Why the suck?

Why does the team suck this year? I've grown tired of keeping up with this team because they don't offer anything in return. They've wasted my time repeatedly in the last few weeks. There isn't any one adjustment that needs to made, or any one personel change needed. The players need to just not play scared. The coach needs to get some confidence in his players and his players need confidence in him and each other. They just need to stop playing like a bunch of idiots and they'll start winning games. I feel like I'm in prison as a fan of this team. It sucks to be here.

Soccer gods: Please, sit down. RSL fans, your files say you've served 4.33 years of a life sentence of suckiness. You feel you've been rehabilitated?

RSL fans: Rehabilitated? Well, now, let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means.

Soccer gods: Uh, well, it means you're ready to become a winning franchise.

RSL fans: I know what you think it means, sonny. To me, it's just a made up word, a politician's word, so that young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie and have a job. What do you really wanna know? Am I tired of sucking?

Soccer gods: Well, are you?

RSL fans: There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret for sucking. Not because RSL loses all the time, or because you think I should. I look back on the way the team has played this season; a young, stupid team who play (brilliantly vs New England, then) terrible game after game, especially on the road. I wanna talk to them. I wanna try to talk some sense into them -- tell them the way things are. But I can't. That team's already sucked for 6 games this year and this crappy record is all that's left. I gotta live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bull$#!^ word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a $#!^.

Soccer gods: [Stamp: APPROVED to no longer suck]

Rocky Mountain Cup

On the RMC, these words are written: 

 

"Bring me men to match my mountains 

Bring me men to match my plains 

Men with empires in their purpose 

And new eras in their brains" 

-Sam Walter Foss, 1894 

That sure sounds more like a call to RSL players than to Colorado players to me. Who on Colorado's team can answer that call? Who wears a Colorado Rapids jersey with pride? Every player on RSL is a winner because they believe in the team. Every player has pride in the colors they wear. Who on Colorado's team has the leadership to match Beckerman or toughness to match Ian Joy? Who on Colorado's team wants to win more than Will Johnson, or to whom does this game mean more than it does to Thug (aka Andy Williams)? Who thinks they can compete in any athletic competition against Olave? Casey perhaps? We all remember when Olave threw Casey around like a rag doll last time these two sides met.

I don't know why I was initially so nervous for this game. The more I think about it, the more my nerves turn to anticipation for the baddest ace game ever.

Crapids Suck

The stage has been set for the biggest event in RSL history.  My emotions are swelling almost out of control.  Productivity has taken a back seat to meditation.  My thoughts and feelings about the magnitude of the upcoming contest are summed up in the words below. 

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! 

-President Thomas Whitmore (from Independance Day)

Long live RSL!

RMC

I've been taking a sabbatical for the last little while from Real Salt Lake. Apparently so has the defense. We've let in 7 goals in the last 2 games. Unbelievable. I wasn't able to watch all of the Columbus game and didn't have anything really to say about it, but dang. Something happened all of the sudden to the D that needs to be fixed right away.

We'll get an opportunity to right our wrongs this coming Friday when the piece-of-Crapids come to town! As a fellow fan remarked as we discussed RSL this morning, this is THE game of the year. If you only go to one game all year, this is the one to go to. This is the one and only trip the Utah for the RMC (Rocky Mountain Cup) and it is going to be a dandy. We've got 3 ex-crapids on our team in Weenert, Mathis, and Beckerman. They've now got Ballouchy. Those players always get excited to show off against their former teams. And of course they have Mastro-weenie, everyone's favorite player to heckle. It's going to be an exciting game to watch reguardless of the outcome.